About 1 year ago, my husband told me that he wasn’t sexually attracted to me anymore. I kind of understood that because since our second child was born, he hasn’t had sex with me. He said he loved me more than anything in the world and that the rest of the relationship was perfect, but he needed to have sex or he would go crazy. That was when he brought up the option of having an open marriage. I was taken aback, so I started asking him about the definition of open marriage and we discussed it over a few weeks. I was feeling sexually deprived, and the idea started to grow on me. I said yes, and we both agreed to create a set of rules to follow.
So, our rules were that we would never bring anyone to our home and we would always use protection. My husband was very clear that he also wanted to know who the other person/persons were. He was meeting new women within a week. He told me everything, and even showed me pictures.
I gave into his desire for an open marriage, but deep down I only wanted to be with him. But why continue to let someone hurt your heart if they don’t truly want to value it? Why would I continue to let him get what he wanted, and I not be able to get what I wanted? Should I be honest with him?
Early in the marriage, I didn’t feel sexually attracted to him and wanted to be with other people. I didn’t share this with him. Instead, I went out one night, met someone, and we spent just one night together. I never saw him again, but I didn’t think that he would remain with me forever. Our first child is not my husband’s child but someone else’s. How do I tell him the truth? How do I tell him that I don’t want to continue having an open marriage because I know that there can be unintended consequences?
I kept my feelings buried and ignored them. I started to relax more and flirt back with the guys I was dating. One of them was a client at the bank I work for. We started flirting about a month ago, and I finally decided that I was ready to start sleeping with others. I told this client about my arrangement. He was disappointed at first, but then he said he was in. I went home to my husband and let him know about this client from the bank. I then told him that I wanted to go out on a date with him that upcoming Friday. My husband was silent.
Friday came, and my husband texted me that he was stuck at work and that he was later going to meet a girl so he couldn’t watch the children. This continued every time when I wanted to set up a date with this bank client, and my husband was never available to watch the children.
Last Monday I had no meetings at work after lunch which often means that I don’t need to stay in place. I texted the bank client to see if he wanted to meet. My children were in daycare, so I went to his place. I thought about my first affair and felt that what I was doing was wrong, but I did it anyway. I received from him the feeling that I was missing from my husband, and it made me feel amazing.
When I got home, I told my husband, and he was angry because I didn’t tell him beforehand. I broke a rule. He didn’t speak to me the rest of the evening. Then, he woke me up in the middle of the night with gentle kisses and touches, and we had sex 3 times. This was a first for us in almost 5 years. And we have had sex every night since. Now he’s saying that he is attracted to me again and that’s why we need to close the marriage. The problem is that I don’t want to. I like having other options, and we’re not hurting anyone.
So, how do I go on from here?
